It's an odd feeling having one's future suddenly come into sharp relief, unexpectedly and startlingly. Just such a thing happened to me yesterday, when I was offered (and accepted) admission into the Ph.D. program (Natural Resource Ecology and Management, specifically) here at Iowa State. "Unexpectedly and startlingly" do not describe the process by which I was accepted. No, that was a somewhat drawn-out saga plagued by miscommunication, mistrust, and not a few sleepless nights. Unexpected and startling was the feeling of having a concrete offer in my hand, one I could literally and figuratively take to the bank. The feeling of relative permanence, the nagging transience of impending graduation put on hold just a few more years.
Until yesterday I had made a concerted effort not to think about the fact that because I am finishing my master's degree this summer, d.w. and I were headed for unemployment and destitution in a small town three months before hatching time in November. There was absolutely nothing I could have done to find a job any faster, and worrying about it never solves anything. It usually just ends up giving you insomnia, anxiety, and ulcers. No thanks.
So it was an odd, wonderful, transcendent feeling to in an instant have the next four years settled. All of a sudden, so much came into focus! I was able to think, to plan, to dream about life beyond this summer. I came to realize that before yesterday I had not allowed myself to really enjoy the anticipation of starting a family.
Holy shit, we're having a child!
Right now I am just soaking it all in. We're really having a baby. Wow. In another six months there will be another little person there, my own flesh and blood (and d.w.'s!). I wonder what they'll be like. Just like their mom, I hope.
It makes me so happy I could cry.
Congratulations!
Posted by: MetroDad | 03 May 2006 at 12:57 PM
Well I think he was not worrying because I was doing plenty of it for the both of us. Boy does it feel good to have this settled now I can plan, plan, plan. Bwa ha ha ha.
Posted by: dear wife | 03 May 2006 at 04:52 PM
Congratulations! That's great news--both getting accepted and chilling out enough to get your head around having a baby. It still keeps hitting me in different ways at different times, and it's still a great feeling every time.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | 04 May 2006 at 09:44 PM
My friend:
As someone who made a horrible mistake last year (when I was only an expectant father) I caution you to follow the link below and take this advice. You may have already thought about it, but I hate to see good people repeat the mistakes of others.
http://www.dadcentric.com/2006/05/a_quick_memo_to.html
Posted by: CroutonBoy | 05 May 2006 at 10:12 PM
Very wise, very wise. Thanks for the timely advice.
Posted by: zygote daddy | 05 May 2006 at 11:26 PM