Hi, my name's z.d. and I'm an ecology addict.

As I've mentioned (incoherently) before, I'm about to start working on a Ph.D., just as soon as I defend my master's thesis next month. I can't wait to start in on my research, studying the effects of prairie restoration on birds in southern Iowa and northern Missouri. You see, I love spending my days outside. And I love science. Discovering how nature works is like crack to me. Or maybe church. Or a little of both. Either way, ecological research allows me to get my fix while spending a lot of time outside (well, actually I end up spending a lot of time in front of the computer, but that's another story), so what could possibly be the downside, right?

Not so fast, buster. There's a catch. There's always a catch.

In this case, the catch is that I will spend the next three summers away from my dear wife and hatchling (nee zygote). My master's research allowed me to spend my nights at home (actually, I was out in the field every night — But Sweetie, I was just out counting frogs all night! Honest! — so technically I spent my days at home), which I really kind of got used to.

Not this time.

This time around I will spend all of May, June, and July living in a little research station just outside the little town (boy, that's putting it generously) of Kellerton, Iowa (pop. 361). I'm sure I will make it home periodically, being only about 2 hours away. But because field work is a 24/7 job and d.w. will have the car, she and the hatchling will be the ones having to visit me. And I can't imagine the trip would be all that easy for either one of them. So I have no illusions about being home on weekends, despite the seemingly short distance.

So where does this leave us? Well, I suppose it means I'll pretty much miss all of the hatchling's months 7-9, 19-21, and 31-33. I know, I know, hardly "woe is me" territory. But that's not what I'm getting at.

Well actually, it's a little of what I'm getting at.

Here's what I'm really getting at: I can't shake the feeling that I am totally (though temporarily) abandoning my family for pretty selfish reasons. I knew the zygote was on his way when I took this job. I probably could have found something closer to home. But I took this one anyway, and not only out of the (borderline) financial security it affords us for the next few years. I accepted the position because it sounded like a cool project in a beautiful area, selfishly disregarding my responsibility to my new family.

Just one more fix for an ecological crack fiend.

Comments

[Henitsirk]

Wow, a 2 hour drive will be hard with a new baby. My kids are 2 and 4 and it's still hard.

That said, your hatchling will benefit greatly from a dad who is doing what he loves. My dad worked for an insurance company and, frankly, he was NOT following his bliss.

It's kind of like the safety spiel you get on airplanes: secure your own oxygen mask before those of your kids. It always sounds crazy but if you're not taking care of yourself, you can't take care of them.

[andrea]

If it's just the summers, it's pretty do-able. It won't be easy, but it sounds like something you need to do. I agree with the oxygen mask analogy.
Think about all of the male med students who are technically living at home with the wife and kids, but really are gone all day and into the night. This is only for the summers and 2 hours in the car is a pain, but not impossible. And, get yourself into a 12 step program, crack head!

[Mama]

Yes, it would be so much more rewarding if you were sitting at the front door, scratching to get out and sighing audibly. Just think of the amazing field trips you are preparing for my grandchild.

[Papa Bradstein]

D.W. will still love you. The zygote will still love you. You will still love them, and you will still be a family. And that's most important.

As Henitsirk said, you have to take care of yourself to take care of everyone around you.

Will doing so be a little sucky? Yes, for a time. But does the zygote stand a chance of learning what it's like to love something as deeply as you do? And perhaps stand a chance of learning to love nature as much as you do? Yes to both. Will everyone be a bit lonely too? Yes.

But there would be no loneliness if there wasn't deep love.

[dear wife]

Yes we will still love you. Now I just have to figure out how I will balance a child and working on my own masters while you are gone.

[samantha campen]

That's the problem. All this 'education' business. It's so over rated, really.

KIDDING! I kid because I love,

Just think though, you'd support DW if she were wanting to do something similar, right? So you're even. And it's painfully obvious you love your family so you're not an ass--just doin' what you gotta do.

[CroutonBoy]

First, let me say how refreshing it is to read about your life. My career to date has all been about corporate drudgery and social engineering. I love science and nature, and to hear from someone who considers that their office is a delight.

That being said, that's a BUMMER of an assignment. I spent a weekend in Waterloo, which I think is one of the bigger towns of Iowa (correct me if I'm wrong) and thought I would die from boredom. Population 361 sounds pretty lonely.

Cheer up, though...two hours really isn't that long. Timing the drive during naps and attaching a DVD player to the seat will do wonders, provided Dear Wife is up for it.

[Dad_to_Be]

Two hours? Ha! I was lied to by my American friends. They all assured me that Yanks think nothing of getting behind the wheel and driving for ten hours before breakfast and now my paradigm has been utterly shattered. ;-)

I drove about 7 hours over the last weekend and it was fine, honestly.

Seriously, two hours is nothing with a decent stereo in the car!

[zygote daddy]

Hmm... I don't think the assignment is much of a bummer, but then again, most of Iowa seems way too crowded for my liking. An endless source of amusement for d.w., my being from SF and all.

And no, two hours isn't a bad drive at all under normal circumstances. When I drove down there last week, I left at 2am, got there at 4, collected data until 10, and was back home by noon so I could make it to our midwife appointment (another 90-minute round trip). And in college d.w. and I regularly drove the 4,000 miles between Maine and California, making the journey in four days. But I have a feeling that whole baby dimension may change my love of marathon driving...

[Her Bad Mother]

That's rough. But I would guess that if anything, the whole baby thing will motivate you more to do that drive and manage your time as best you can to maximize wife/baby time. (And for DW to do the same.)

2 hours is a tough drive, but not an impossible one - and knowing that your wee babby awaits at the end of that drive might make it speed by faster than you think.