4-H project titles make no sense, and other things to be learned at the state fair

We finally made it to the Iowa state fair on Wednesday, and I must say it was a rather eye-opening experience. I have never seen such swarms of those old-people scooters. And the sad thing? Hardly any were driven by old people. They appear to be far more popular among the morbidly obese. But I digress. Anyway, I thought I'd offer a little glimpse into the fair for those unlucky enough to have missed the excitement. Ready? Do you think you can handle it? OK then:

 

Are we humble fair-goers really that predictable?

 

Apparently Iowa never got the memo about fanny packs. But man oh man, that's one patriotic little girl.

 

Goddamn I wish I could pull off a handlebar mustache. Of course, here I don't think it would be perceived as avant garde or ironic.

 

For a people so enamored by giant and/or oddly-shaped vegetables, you would think they would actually eat them, too.

 

I'm sure something separates the first place ear of feed corn from the tenth place ear of feed corn. But I have no idea what. Also, did you know you could get a tenth place ribbon? For feed corn?

 

Somehow a poster about global warming in Iowa (which I never before realized has an icecap) and a set of felt Christmas ornaments are judged in the same category in the 4-H competition. Not sure about that one.

 

Even if a poster title makes no sense, it can still get you second place.

 

I will never brush my teeth again. Also, I just noticed the poster at the bottom. That's either a morally suspect application of biotechnology or one fucked up college dating guide.

Comments

[Amanda]

I missed the Iowa State Fair this year (maybe the 6th time in my 27 summers I haven't attended), thanks for the recap. The Minnesota fair is good, but just not as interesting as Iowa.

My husband and I went to Iowa State and our families live in Iowa - it's great to see an outsiders perspective on all things Iowa.

Good luck with the zygote! How is dw handling the heat?

[Mama]

Are we feeling just a bit smug and superior??? Of course I wouldn't really want to be the 11th place finisher in the feed corn contest.

[spain dad]

I'm a big fan of the macaroni and cheese on a stick (also noted at the Iowa State Fair). Yum! ;)

[dear wife]

Macaroni and cheese on a stick. I must have missed that, oh well guess there is always next year. I remember our first trip to the fair and I was so excited because of the vegetarian corn dogs. Now that is a good fair in my mind.

[zygote daddy]

So... I'm trying to figure out the logistics of macaroni and cheese on a stick. I would think it would have to be battered and deep fried. My arteries are aching already.

[samantha Jo Campen]

Any cow pie contests? Cuz ain't no fair complete without 'em!

[andrea]

Did you venture to try a deep fried Twinkie? Ostrich burger?
And yes, that was some fucked- up college dating brochure.

[CroutonBoy]

You may laugh, but the pork chops on a stick is one of the ten best things I've ever eaten in my life. No joke. That good.

On the other hand, anyone who is that discerning about corn really really really really needs a life.

[heatheradair]

First time I've cruised through your page here - me, i'm looking forward to our local fair like...a girl of my age probably shouldn't...but you're right about one thing: fairs seem to be an annual convention of the rather knuckle-dragging, fanny-pack-wearing patriotic public...

I get excited to visit the display cases full of award-winning pies...a week or so into the fair when they've all begun to mold. strange and wonderful...